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About Varied / Hobbyist Member 0L50NJ4United States Group :icongirls4girls: GIRLS4GIRLS
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I am a lonely crippled tortured soul

I am lost and wondering

trying to find some place, a group where I belong

hollow orbs open wide can you see inside

This is who and what I am!

This is who and what I am!
This is who I am!
A lonely wandering soul

no where to go

callin' out like a banshee

please please try to find value

and love me

I love all who's around

as long as they respond

at least reverberate my calls

but all I hear are my own echos off the walls

my own voice is all I hear

I'm tactless tellin' it point blank as it is

but others have found this, instead of informative

as an insult and hurtful to their own egos

I don't mean to be so inept

Aspergers I don't get what's wrong with saying what everyone is trying not to speak

beating around the bush about

this has kept me out

of every group and crowd that could accept me

but I still cry like a banshee,

accept me for who and what I am, the way I was created

I'd like to say I have loved the stars to fondly to see the night

but all I've seen is the darkness

engulfing suffocating writhing in my own life!

I fight to break free of this strife!

This gaping void I call my soul

this me that's nothing and a hole

left behind out in space

no direction, vertigo, no way up but no way

spinnin round

which way to go

my eyes are shattered like windows with pain

so beyond experience unable to express

nothing can explain this

how am I or anyone supposed to see with shards

shifting scattering blinding my sight

Loneliness it kills

it has killed me

want of soul friends

a soul mate

I am dead

I am death

I am tortured
loneliness itself.

  • Mood: Terror
  • Listening to: The BLASTING T.V. or dead silence
  • Reading: My own writing, to edit it X-P
  • Watching: Time move FAR to FAST! >X-P!
  • Playing: At starting my own business >X-P!.
  • Eating: Fresh Spring Time Veggies as of late =-)
  • Drinking: Water, X-P


0L50NJ4's Profile Picture

Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
I'm miserable, and I've decided that for the rest of the time I have to be alive I want to be happy and enjoy my life and have as enjoyable a life as I can.
In order for me to enjoy myself I NEED to
1. Move out and live on my own.
2. Move to a LIBERAL DEMOCRAT State that is NOT tied down. ( One that accepts gays as NORMAL PEOPLE and gives them their FULL RIGHTS and gives them the FULL RIGHT TO MARRY. :) :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :D )
3. Go back to school and obtain an Art Degree. :-)
4. Last but not least the first initial thing I'll have to do before I can do any of the above is Pay Off my Skyrocketing Medical bills.More then likely I'll have to set up payment plans and will NEVER pay them off, but still this is my goal. But since the prospect of actually paying them off is well, not realistic I listed this as last.
5. And since were getting into day dreams here, Be physically well.
Sadly this one may not be able to be accomplished. But if I get enough money I might be able to go to some place that has the resources and technology along with medical advancements hat are far enough ahead to be able to at least diagnose what is wrong with me.

Buying anything that I sell will help me in my goals and to obtain a better life for myself.

Granted I listed my wants in order of me being able to accomplish them. Sadly I am so far behind in my medical bills (which are compounding because of interest )that when it comes to entirely paying off any medical bills I highly doubt this will happen. Especially if I end up being able to go somewhere that gives cutting edge research. Then of course my bills will just never be paid off entirely, I'll just end up paying them off bit by bit as best I can for the rest of my life.

But to put aside this depressing bit I'd very much like to be able to be happy and live as healthy as I can for the remaining life I have left.
In order to do this though I'll have to move out and into a state that allows me to have rights and think the way I want to, and believe the way I want to.
I can not do that now. :(!

So I'm going to do my damnedest to sell my art and anything you buy will make my life a better one and at the least a little less stressful. :)

So thank you anyone who comes along and likes my stuff enough to buy it and may god Bless You for buying from me. :)
Thank You. :) :hug: :love: :tighthug: :love: :hug:

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CloakedApprentice Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2014  Student General Artist
Thanks for the fave! (: 
catpuck Featured By Owner May 14, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist

Hi. wanna join my group called Anti-illuminati-01? anti-illuminati-01.deviantart.…

P.S. The group is about politics in case you were wondering.

0L50NJ4 Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
well, I'm hardly on here so not right now. But thanks anyway. =-)
AniqeAnuk Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2014   Photographer
Thank you for the :+fav:'s:hug:
0L50NJ4 Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're Welcome =-)
BlackRaven3i Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2014  Student General Artist
Thank you for the fav! ~ Hug Thanks for everything! 
0L50NJ4 Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Welcome =-)
BlackRaven3i Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2014  Student General Artist
:) (Smile) Heart 
Null-Entity Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Danke for faving ^_^
0L50NJ4 Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're Welcome =-)
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