"Don't Go Out With Out A Shout!"
I just thought I'd update everyone. As the old man thrown over John Cleese's shoulder said, "I'm not dead yet!" (Monty Python Movie Reference, "Quest for the Holy Grail", watch the movie and see if you can catch the clip or bit during the, "bring out your dead!" scene where John Cleese's Character tries to dump his Father-In-Law on the Dead body cart, and the old man is doing his best to protest. ;-D! I've always seen myself as that guy, Death trying to evict me and somehow some way I keep clinging on. =-) )
I'm having ups and downs, good days and weeks and bad days and weeks. Summer is the most dangerous for me and when I, as of late, have been regularly touching death for at least three to six months straight.
It's a TERRIBLE and EXCRUCIATING time for me and I have routinely thought of checking myself out voluntarily.
I thought I should update this little page of mine and let anyone who comes by or cares know I'm still around, thankfully, for I nearly died. =-(! =-(! =-(!
I don't think I'll be stopping by here very much anymore, since I wasn't so into hanging around Deviant art anyway. So if I don't come back for some time again don't be worried, too much.
But if I get close again I'll probably update this page, let everyone know again.
I feel like I have an obligation now to anyone here reading my page. =-(!
I'm truly sorry about this and truly wish I wasn't so ill and teetering on the edge of death. I wish there was hope and a chance for me.
Hell, I wish for a lotta things.
Anyway, I'm still around at the end of 2015 here and I just thought I'd let everyone know. =-)
I'm extremely ill and have been for some time now.
I feel like I'm dying and might possibly be.
I hope not.
But I decided to get on here and let anyone left who comes by know I might not make it, though I am fighting hard. Terribly and sadly my body is winning against me.
Just in case, if I don't do anything with this page or account, posting an update, or art, poetry, etc. what have you for about five years from this year (2015) then more than likely I have passed away.
I give myself such a long period of time because I rarely get on here now. And if I get terribly ill then I might not be able to post for some time.
But for whatever reason I feel a responsibility to you all, anyone who comes by.
And I have learned a lesson from Robin Williams death, a phrase I coined, "Don't go out without a shout" meaning, don't leave people hanging, wondering why, what happened, leaving them in shock and dismay, to try and decipher what caused your death, and pick up the pieces, trying to fit them together into a coherent whole. Give, or actually reconstruct, or independently create answers and reasons that only the deceased can give. For only the deceased knows what and why, how, they passed away.
Don't leave people wondering why in the world you suddenly passed away. What caused your death.
So I am here, letting you all know what is up with me and giving you a snippet, a hint of the illness I have been fighting.
Bad kidneys and dehydration.
It has stolen my mind and body and is now, once again, threatening to steal my very life, my very breath.
I am fighting it, but my body is winning.
Pray for me, that I win the fight and am able to actually live, thrive, and do what I had planned.
Give life and thriving life to others out there, who have also been bullied into silence. And fix things, correct problems, inaccuracies, misunderstandings, and bring peace. Soothing calm, rest, salves for souls, and be a part of the "You Will Rise Project" and create my art for it.
For I have not been able to do this.
Overall, I wish I could have set up my own anti-bullying foundation and many other non-profit charities.
(One of them being a bottled water and "gift card" thing, where people buy gift cards for hotels/motels, fast food restaurants, etc. and give out water and gift cards to the homeless so they can shower, shave and sleep in a bed for the night, in a hotel/motel. And be able to go into say McDonald's and be fed. I learned that the main danger while homeless is being dehydrated. Giving out merely a bottle of water to someone standing on the corner can save their life. If you feel bad about giving out money, worried these people might use it on booze or drugs then this would wipe away that worry. This would give them shelter, safety, or at least food and life saving water. I wanted to create a charity that would encourage people to go out and buy and give these items, or give to us so we could go out and buy these gift cards and bottled water/bottles to fill with water then hand it out ourselves to those standing on the street corners. It would save them, if only for a night, or another day.)
I also wanted to make YouTube Videos of art, encouraging and teaching, making people smile and spreading happiness through my videos. Making it so everyone can learn to draw, paint, color, etc. etc.
Maybe even writing videos, teaching about poetry, and story writing. How to write and the different types and kinds of poetry and story telling out there, even script writing, all types and kinds. And introducing people to famous "Classical" authors. From Maya Angelou and back, much further back.
I also wanted and much greatly needed to start my own anti-bullying campaigns/charities/not-for-profits.
Anyway, my brains are gone and I've spilled my soul here, enough I hope to encourage other people to go out and do my ideas; for I cannot and will not be able to do them.
Sadly and terribly.
Please, for me, take what I have written here, anyone that cares, and do your best to do my ideas and spread kind tenderness, understanding, acceptance, a hand up and help; for only through these times can there be hope.
And in Robin Williams steed, spread hope, happiness, laughter and joyful ebullience. For these give life, and a reason, the food of the soul to keep on living.
They really really do.
I have found just recently that Laughter and Happiness CAN save your soul. =-)